my contract at ABN is only till end of october, and guess it's quite natural that other people (not so much myself) ask me - so what will you do after that? will you go back to australia?
i spoke to another aussie this week who is living in NL and he went home for xmas...he told me that every time he goes there and comes back to europe, he leaves a little bit of himself home in oz
since my last trip home in october, i also had an increasingly stronger feeling of wanting to return to australia to restart my life there...and the seeds of a longing to return home being planted....
and then on other days, like recently when i was on the metro on my way to work, i thought to myself - "I want to go to a small country in Latin America where no one speaks English and I am forced to learn Spanish"! As I was thinking it, I had no idea where it was coming from! And then i saw pieces of writing like this, and maybe it's partly why....
French novelist Colette believes travel suggests sensuous possibilities:
"I am going away... to an unknown country where I shall have no past and no name, and where I shall be born again with a new face and an untried heart." While you will certainly leave with a past and a name, there is something intriguing about the notion that you face an opportunity to begin (almost) again, and to meet an experience with an untried heart. You don’t know what adventure, what question, what joy or what struggle waits in your path. But you can be sure that something does wait (just) for you.
Most of us understand that few journeys are ever linear or predictable. Instead, they twist, swerve and even double back. We are lost and then found only to become lost all over again.
Fears are anticipated when departing on a meaningful journey. When leaving for a vacation, everything has been laid out to have a predictable, comfortable and reassuring holiday. Your kind of journey is entirely different. Instead, you are about to slip inside a dense fog, unable to see the path ahead. If you choose to embark on this trip as a soulful traveler, you should experience some anxiety, fear or even resistance inside the jamb.
As aggravating as it is to be caught in a liminal space - a place of not really knowing where to step down - there is marvelous value in being unsure. When we "don't know" or "aren't sure" we are much more open to learn. Our Knowing or expertise brings us security, place, confidence. But, a clear sense of footing may actually work against our interior growth. It is easier to take the world for granted when it is all neatly tucked in. We stop asking questions, they are no longer necessary.
This journey is going to demand just the opposite. When we no longer Know where to turn, our real journey has just begun. It is only then that we can "rely on the eyes of the heart." Instead of stepping ahead sure-footedly, we are forced to pause, to re-orient, to slow down, move with a certain kind of dependence, and perhaps, (even) humility. Encounter your resistance as a gift, and see what you find….
You are about to end into a beginning. If you fix your eyes too intently on the touchdown in the foreign land, you may miss a gift that is hoping to be noticed along your way. Look, listen, experience and try to find the Hidden. Perhaps even your travels have something to teach you. So journey with intention. The Sacred may meet you through the brush of a hand, a delightfully absurd encounter, the fierce tenderness tucked inside a loving gesture, or the simple wonder of innocence.
The longest journey you take won't be across land or ocean. It won't be sitting on a plane for 20 hours. The longest and most demanding journey that you will take -- is to the center of your own heart.
