encounters of the roommate kind

Here are a few quotes from "The Undutchables" by Colin White & Laurie Boucke, to give the uninitiated a brief glimpse into the world of Dutch housing...followed by some interesting encounters I have had so far whilst looking for a room to call my own here...

"The classic Dutch look is the responsibility of the 17th century architects whose desier it was to maximise the impression of the height of the house. This, in conjunction with the then-as-now overcrowding in cities, led to the introduction of highly charactertistic design elements (many of which survive to this day)....

This efficient design provides:
* maximum inconvenience to those entering the building
* maximum disturbance to a resident hearing chatterin,g giggling, stomping locals enter or exit the building
* maximum inconvenience and disturbance to all concerned, by the uninitiated attempting self-disentanglement from The Bicycles (or trying to remove pedals, handlebars etc from an ear)

...the Dutch staircase - is called a "trap", and it is not uncommon to feel trapped when you climb the staircase. The trap will be steep and narrow, of meager depth, and will probably accommodate less than half your foot...

...Nowhere is the sense of claustrophobia more pronounced than in the water-closet. The Dutch have taken the term literally and made that most private of rooms the size of a cupboard. Once you've managed to get inside the thing, you then face the problem of turning around to close the door and adjust your clothing. Before seating youself, you face the dilemma of deciding whether you want your knees pressed tightly against the door or rammed under your chin. Any sense of reflief on completion of your duties is counteracted by the realisation that you must now find a way to manoeuvre yourself up and out again....

...Second place for the smallest room award goes to the kitchen, if indeed a separate room exists for it.. This room, or area, epitomizes the Dutch gift for efficient space utilization...

...Rooms are literally cluttered with furniture, adding to the sense of claustrophobia, already caused by the:
* lack-of-size of the dwelling
* regulation Dutch colour shceme, consisting of insipid shades of curdled cream and excreta brown
* over-abundance of house plants"

Claustrophobia can be quite an understatement based on what I have seen here. Websites advertise several bedrooms with "available areas" of 5, 6, 7 and 8 square metres - fully furnished!!! Well that wouldn't be hard. No need for a bed, just a yoga mat so you can sleep in the foetal position all night.

Several of the ads are quite amusing to read:

"Due to high living costs i'm offering a room for rent to a quiet ,clean and english-speaking female.The room is located at plein 40-45 4th floor with tram and bus connection to any where in the city.As for me i'm a 36 years old a kind of depressed guy who loves meditation and privacy."

Another guy stated his field of studies (mathematics), as well as his personality type (INTP) and his preference for "radical honesty".

I have found it even more invigorating to actually go and visit apartments and check out potential rooms and room mates. Some of the highlights so far:

* Mattress man: was showing me the bedroom and telling me it is a comfy king sized bed where I will sleep, but we might have to share the shelves in the closet…which prompted me to ask, “so where will you sleep?” – he then showed me the air mattress that he will inflate each night and arrange in the living room to sleep on, just by moving this couch – and then deflate it and put everything back in the mornings

* Busy bee: most talkative Dutch guy I’ve ever met…he told me within the first 5 mins that he hasn’t worked for last two years, he is “sorting himself out” after coming to terms with some childhood traumas…then said to me “sex, drugs and rock n roll, what are your habits?”….and told me that one of the house rules would be if I was screaming too loudly while having sex with my boyfriend then he would have to ask me to please be quiet...seems reasonable I guess!!!

* Now you see it, now you don't: absolutely great awesome apartment with everything...except then the lady who is showing it to me decides to tell me after I have spent half an hour getting there in the rain, during which time I dropped my glove on the road & it was then run over by several cars... that they have been receiving letters from a law firm, and the owner of the apartment (now back in Italy) owes a lot of money to different people so the right has been given by the courts to a debt collection agency to come and repossess all the furniture in the apartment whenever they want. They are not sure when this will happen, but she just thought she should let me know!

Are there any normal people with normal rooms out there in Amsterdam (within my price range)? Reveal they self!

So after seeing 8 places so far in the last week I guess my house hunting will slow down a little bit now as I am starting work tomorrow!!! :D

Safe and warm for now on a mattress at Brenda's place.

x Zoe