the opposite of fate

During my holidays I read the autobiography of Amy Tan, American author, "The Opposite of Fate". It is a really great read. Here a couple of passages amongst many that I especially liked...

"(it) forced me to wonder and consider that everything that happens is neither grand plan nor random coincidence. It is a crazy quilt of love, pieced together, torn apart, repaired again and again, and strong enough to protect us all...What are ghosts if not the hope that love continues beyond our ordinary senses? If ghosts are a delusion, then let me be deluded. Let me believe in the limitlessness of love, the beauty of contradictions, the miracle that is an ordinary part of life".

"Writing to me is an act of faith, a hope that I will discover what I mean by truth. But I don't know what that will be until I finish. I can't determine it ahead of time. And more often than not, I can't summarize what it is I've discovered. It's simply a feeling. The feeling is the entire story. To paraphrase the feeling or to analyze the story reduces the feeling for me.

I also think of reading as an act of faith, a hope I will discover something remarkable about ordinary life, about myself. And if the writer and the reader discover the same thing, if they have that connection, the act of faith has resulted in an act of magic. To me, that's the mystery and the wonder of both life and fiction - the connection between two unique individuals who discover in the end that they are more the same than they are different.

And if that doesn't happen, it's noboby's fault. There are still plenty of other books on the shelf to choose from."

three great weeks in brazil with ma and pa

Well not exactly sure where to start in describing the amazing three week trip around Brazil that I just took with my parents.

It was the third Fitzy Frolic that we have taken together (first was Singapore in 2003 and then the Netherlands in 2005) but it was the most time I have spent alone with them in at least the last 7 years – without any brothers, sisters or friends to “compete” with!

So here are a few memorable moments:
* Mum and Dad’s flight to São Paulo arriving early, their luggage being one of the first off the conveyer belt and not getting caught in any queues on the way out to arrivals area (then consequently them having to wait for me to get to the arrivals area, hence missing the emotional “here they come” moment.
* Mum’s eternal search in Brazil for a decent cuppa (IE boiling hot water, black tea bag, and cold milk). This hilarious search began at a café near my place where the infamous “cappucha” was invented (IE hot water, frothed up milk like in a cappuccino and a tea bag thrown in).
* Mum and Dad getting to meet my great group of friends here in São Paulo whilst “singing” along to Brazilian country and western music at the Rancho Goiano restaurant. Also the location of Mum’s first (but definitely not last) caipirinha (she soon took up the habit of having two at a time!). Thanks for the spontaneous translations Márcio and Guga!
* Mum and Dad’s pleasant surprise at Brazilian customer service and willingness to round down the price to save having to give over a lot of change to the customer.
* The breath-taking beauty of the Iguassu Falls in the south of Brazil and Argentina, and the breath-taking bargain of a R$7 dinner with a R$30 bottle of wine from the fancy Italian restaurant next door. Literally having our breaths taken away in the boat trip under the falls!
* On the way home after Mum and Dad’s first, and our best, Bahian meal in Foz de Iguaçu, hearing the phrase you never want to hear from a taxi driver in a town that you have only spent 24 hours – “This is my first day on the job. I am borrowing the taxi from my brother. Do you know how to get there?”
* Our stressful daily routine in the Pantanal which went something like this: wake up, breakfast, nap in hammock, activity (horse riding, fishing, boat ride), nap, lunch, nap, activity, nap, dinner.
* Getting up close and personal with the guesthouse’s two “pet” crocodiles, Zico and Pele, as they showed us their jumping ability to catch some fish for dinner.
* Catching 33 piranha fish on the Rio Claro and not losing any fingers (unlike our poor cook, Jacco, who lost a finger a while back to a piranha).
* The reaction of Jacco, who lives in a place where it rains for six months of the year, to the 10-year drought that my relatives have been through in Australia. “We would go louco” was his prediction.
* Watching the beautiful sunrise and sunset on the Rio Claro (and finding the boat that mysteriously floated down river).
* Eating at the Mafia Pizzaria in Cuiabá where they need to bring over an extra table to put your food on because the dishes are soooo big!
* Our wonderful weekend in Brasília with our fantastic hosts, Betina and Marcos, which included an interesting trip to the Temple of Good Will, where Dad had to stop his overt leg showing and put on some good will happy pants.
* Going to the cute old mining town in Goias about 100km from Brasilia called Pirienopolis with Betina, Marcus and his mum and brother, Ivan. We had a wonderful meal at a typical fazenda restaurant with a private beach and then had numerous home-made icecreams from the list of 43 flavours available.
* Mum and Marcos’ mum repeatedly saying the same things at the same time through out the day, just in different languages.
* Hearing the best directions ever in Goias – “Just go straight ahead for the rest of your life”.
* Enjoying the São João (Saint John) festival in Salvador: live concerts in the main square; trying to teach Mum and Dad to dance forro; huddling with the locals under the sponsorship banner when the rain came pouring down during the concert; watching Dumb and Dumber trying for nearly an hour to put aluminum foil on the tray they were trying to sell whisky from; seeing all the little kids dressed up in “rural” clothes, the little boys with drawn-on moustaches and sideburns.
* Observing a candomble ceremony, people going into trances, geeky German tourist very obviously showing his dislike (as if he had tasted a ball of dog vomit) when he ate the acaraje that he was offered during the ceremony.
* The energy packed Afro-Brazilian folklore show in Salvador. If you are in Salvador you HAVE to go!
* Mum’s trauma after using the luxurious toilet facilities on Itapicara Island (off Salvador) – the cistern falling off the wall when Mum tried to flush the floating turd. The antiseptic wipes were even needed for the feet afterwards.
* The amazing work of the Tamar Project in Praia do Forte (80 km from Salvador) where they are rescuing and preserving endangered sea turtles in partnership with local fishermen, who they have taught how to do CPR on turtles when they get caught in their fishing nets.
* The unforgettable ride with the evangelical taxi driver cum real estate agent who gave us an amazing price on the return ride from Praia do Forte to Salvador, but then really made us pay when he played his evangelical music CD three times over during the ride. He also offered us a great real estate investment opportunity in Maceio, which apparently was “quite a steal”. * Meanwhile Dad thought he was setting us up to be robbed and so was thinking of escape strategies. I have never seen three people leave a vehicle so quickly in my life.
* Hearing Midnight Oil playing as we climbed the hills of Ouro Preto to see, that is right, yet another church.
* Catching up on the rebellious history of the people from Minas Gerais at the Inconfidencia museum whilst another historic moment, the first Gay and Lesbian Parade of Ouro Preto, pumped on outside.
* Devising strategies to encourage the shower water to go down the drain and discourage it from leaving the bathroom and entering the room at the Ouro Preto youth hostel. Dad became a squidgy sweeping, dam building champion. He should have been an engineer, not an air traffic controller.
* Testing out my metallurgical vocabulary when I had to translate the tour we took of a gold mine in Ouro Preto.
* After singing the praises of Brazilian long distance buses (blankets, pillows, food, seats that go back 180 degrees etc) to my parents, I had to eat humble pie when we took the line from Ouro Preto to Rio de Janeiro and there were no blankets, pillows or snacks and the grandma behind me complained when I tried to put my seat back. Situation was rectified when we got the bus from Rio de Janeiro to Sao Paulo and all promised services were provided!
* Being driven by the reincarnation of Aryton Senna in a taxi from the bus station to the hotel at Ipanema Beach.
* Seeing senior citizens walking in their budgy smugglers through the city to the beach in Rio.
* Having our nice peaceful breakfast at the botanical gardens in Rio de Janeiro disturbed by screaming school girls and their teachers when they spotted a Brazilian soapy actress snacking beside us.
* Dad’s obsession with Brazilian beer and the stubby coolers they have for tallies. He also became a big fan of the dark chopp.
* Mum frustration with the lack of Brazilian bed sheets that are tucked in under the mattress.
* Our shared frustration with the “entrepreneurial” parking rangers that roam Brazil’s streets looking for customers.
* Realizing that I forgot to give Dad any pocket money when I sent him off for his excursion to the Embraer factory in Sao Jose dos Campos.

As you can see…there were so many memorable moments!!! It was a fantastic trip. Thanks so much Mum and Dad for coming all the way to Brazil. It was wonderful for me to be able to show you my life here and I am so glad that you loved every minute of it. Can’t wait until the next trip!!!

cutest love song ever

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and greeen
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and green
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a river in the mountains tall,
The rumble of your water would be my call.
If you were the winter, I know I'd be the snow
Just as long as you were with me, let the cold winds blow

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a wink, I'd be a nod
If you were a seed, well I'd be a pod.
If you were the floor, I'd wanna be the rug
And if you were a kiss, I know I'd be a hug

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were the wood, I'd be the fire.
If you were the love, I'd be the desire.
If you were a castle, I'd be your moat,
And if you were an ocean, I'd learn to float.

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

By Barry Louis Pollisar, from the Juno soundtrack

Sawabona-Shikoba

Take a look at this beautiful text about love and relationships by Flávio Gikovate, a psychoanalyst. Thanks to my colleague, Elisa, who sent me the original version in Portuguese with more of these lovely African images. It reminded me of a line from an Alanis Morissette song..."I don't want to be your other half cos I believe that one and one make two".

It is not only technological advances that have marked the start of this millenium.

Affectionate relationships are also going through profound transformations and revolutionising the concept of love.

What we search for today is a relationship compatible with the modern times, in which exists individuality, respect, happiness and pleasure to be together, and no longer a relationship of dependence, in which one person is responsible for the well-being of the other.

The idea of one person being the remedy for our happiness, which was born with romanticism, is destined to disappear at the start of this century.

Romantic love is based on the assumtpion that we are a mere fraction and that we need to meet our other half to feel complete.

Often it happens even as a process of depersonalization that historically, has affected women more.

She abandons her characteristics to amalgamate herself with the male project.

The theory of “opposites attract” also comes from the same root: the other has to know what I do not know. If I am gente, he should be aggressive, and so forth.

A practical idea of survival, hardly romantic by the sounds of it.

The word to look out for this century is partnership. We are changing the love of necessity for the love of desire. I like and desire company, but I do not need it - this is very different.

With technological advances, that demand more individual time, people are losing the fear of living alone, and are learning to live better with themselves.

They are starting to realise that they feel a fraction, but are whole.

The other, with whom you create a link, also feels a fraction. He is not the prince or the saviour of anything. He is only a companion on a journey.

Man is an animal who will go on changing the world, and afterwards has to keep reinventing himself to adapt to the world that he created.

We are entering an era of individuality, that has nothing to do with egoism.

The egoist does not have his own energy, he feeds himself on the energy of others, be it financial or moral.

A new form of love, or more love, has a new features and meaning.

It aims for the coming together of two wholes, and not the union of two halves.
And this is only possible for those who manage to work on their individuality.

The more an individual is capable to live alone, the more prepared s/he will be for an affectionate relationship.

Solitude is good, to be alone is not shameful. On the contrary, it gives dignity to a person. Good affectionate relations are great, they are very similar to being alone, nobody demands nothing of nobody and both grow.
Relationships of domination and exagerated concessions are things of last century.

Every brain is unique. Our way of thinking and acting do not serve as a reference to evaluate anyone. Many times, we think that the other is our soul mate and, actually, what we did was to reinvent him/her to our taste.

Everyone should spend some time alone every now and again, to establish an inner dialogue and discover your personal force.

In solitude, the individual understands that harmony and peace of the spirit can only be found inside him/her and not from the other person.

To realise this, s/he becomes less critical and more understanding of differences, respecting the way of each person.

The love of two whole people is more healthy. In this type of connection, there is the coziness, the pleasure of company and the respect of being loved.

It is not always enough to be forgiven by another, sometimes you need to learn to forgive yourself...

In case you are curious to know the meaning of SAWABONA, it is a greeting used in the south of Africa that means: “I respect you, I value you, you are important to me”.

In response, people say SHIKOBA which is: “Therefore, I exist for you”.

wedding #4 of 2008: christel and marcus

this weekend i was reminded of just how beautiful brazil is, how GREAT it is to get out of the city on the weekend and to trust the universe =)

pablo, henrique, carol and i did a 4-5 hour road trip from são paulo to tarituba beach (around 30 km from paraty, in the state of rio de janeiro) for the wedding of christel and marcus...a canadian-brazilian couple who were officially married in the snow at lake louise last year and this year renewed their vows with their family and friends on a beautiful private island in brazil...

on the way to tarituba beach we stopped in paraty for a look around (and for pablo to buy all the items he forgot to pack in his suitcase)...it is a beautiful portuguese colonial and brazilian imperial town about 330km from são paulo...then we had a great seafood lunch literally on the beach and a bit of a kip before we prettied ourselves up and took the boat to the island for the wedding...

the ceremony was bilingual and relatively brief and included speeches from both mothers...and the reception was informal and filled with champagne, caipirinhas and music! at one point while i was dancing the night away i stopped for a second and realized just how cool it was to be in that moment, on the dance floor, on a tropical island in brazil with friends from around the world, celebrating the love and commitment of christel and marcus - a couple whose story exemplifies surrendering to the universe and trust. it was awesome!

the next day we were awoken by a strange combination of church choir and brazilian country and western music...after a lovely breakfast on the verandah we headed to a nearby beach and enjoyed the brilliant weather...think i got a bit too excited to see the sun and test out my new bikini and ended up getting my white patches very pink! but it was worth it =) it was such a calm and relaxed environment on this beautiful beach (which pablo and henrique chose to ignore and instead SWAM to the island and back!!!)....

i definitely need to make the effort and do more weekend trips out of são paulo - there is so much of this beautiful country to see!!

right words, right moment II

I made this post a couple of weeks ago, but somehow disappeared...now it is back...

"Someday you're gonna look back on this moment of your life as such a sweet time of grieving. You'll see that you were in mourning and your heart was broken, but your life was changing..."

"But I really loved him."

"Big deal. So you fell in love with someone. Don't you see what happened? This guy touched a place in your heart deeper than you thought you were capable of reaching I mean you got zapped, kiddo. But that love you felt, that's just the beginning. You just got a taste of love. That's just limited little rinky-dink mortal love. Wait till you see how much more deeply you can love than that....you have the capacity to someday love the whole world. It's your destiny..."

"...but I seriously believed that (he) was my soul mate."

"He probably was. Your problem is you don't understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so that you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can't let this one go. It's over....(his) purpose was to shake you up...That was his job, and he did great, but now it's over. Problem is, you can't accept that this relationship had a real short shelf life..."

"But I love him"

"So love him."

"But I miss him."

"So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, and then drop it. You're just afraid to let go of the last bits of (him) because then you'll really be alone, and (you) are scared...of what will happen if you´re really alone. But here's what you gotta understand...If you clear out all that space in your mind that you're using right now to obsess about this guy, you'll have a vacuum there, an open spot - a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with that doorway? It will rush in - God will rush in - and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using (him) to block that door. Let it go."

Did you ever read a passage from a book and think that it was written especially for you, in this moment?? That is how I felt when I read this passage from "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. It was as if the character, Richard from Texas, was speaking directly to me, after Luccas recently broke up with me.

But I am not broken =) I am re-realising the depth of my character and spirit...and the richness of friendships and love that I am blessed to have in my life...expressed through phone calls, texts and e-cards from my parents and sister...mobile phone calls from Shanghai...text messages and emails from London, Singapore, Sarajevo...countless conversations over lunch, brunch, dinner and coffee with friends in São Paulo. I am so grateful for all the wonderful people in my life. Thank you to each and every one of you.

On Saturday I had a wonderful day of conversation, wandering and eating with Carol. After a delicious day in Vila Madalena, we went back to her place and called on the spirits of the Triple Goddess cards. I do not believe that this type of tarot cards predicts our inevitable futures, but they can offer us insights to help us best deal with our present. On Saturday they shared with me that:

- now I am being invited on a "return journey to home", to my spirit, represented traditionally by the car, which opens the way for us to look more deeply at our inner-self and discover the resources we keep there, to realign my relationship between body, soul and spirit.

- in order to shine as a "full moon", I should remember the poem by Marianne Williams, "Our Deepest Fear" ("Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond all measure...") and express my unique truth, talent and criativty more deeply

- the way to realise this potential in the world is to do everything with the passion of surrender...to leave aside my illusions of fear and loss...to trust in the universe, that it knows what it is doing

And trust I will...the universe has already earnt it. With much gratitude. x Zoe

update from the pilgrim lover

well life has flown by since the wedding in buenos aires...i managed to get a new passport and a transcript of my visa....big congratulations to the brazilian ministry of foreign affairs for being so helpful and not charging anything!!! i have been loving my new job working in an education project at the bank - much more space to be myself and use my talents while still working on something i believe in! have been giving english lessons in a volunteer project in one of the poorer communities in são paulo...which has been testing my english skills!!! i forgot how to conjugate the verb "to sing"!!

i was happy to celebrate the one year anniversary of a great organization, Tekoha, which my friend, henrique, founded with some of his friends...it was really inspiring to see their new vision of sustainable business that promotes communities and cultural connections in practice and with great visions to grow...congratulations guys!

had lots of laughs at the improvisation comedy "Jogando no Quintal" (Playing in the Garden) where we found out that Brazil won the Latin American World Cup of improvisation comedy. judging by the laughs in the audience that night, they deserved it =) it was funny how some of the funniest moments came from the most simple games, like the alphabet game when you have to start and finish your phrases with words that start with a certain letter. hilarious!

just one more class left in my non-violent communication course...so far the basics have been great but it really needs a lot more practice to be able to use it in real-life, real-time situations...hopefully i can be in the practice class next semester....

was also nice to celebrate the birthdays of some dear friends, sabrina, carol and pablo...

we went to the ANZAC Day dinner hosted by the Kiwi and Aussie consulates here in Brazil...we learnt that there are only 70 Aussies in São Paulo and that around 2000 Aussies come to Brazil as tourists each year...it was at the Hyatt so i guess we were expecting the kiwi shiraz to flow for a bit longer, but was at least nice to hang out with cath and greg - the ultimate example of australasian friendship ;)

and yesterday had a great afternoon playing "the hero's game"...a boardgame developed by a group of brazilian friends who wanted to share the wisdom of universal hero characters to help people deal with their real-life challenges and develop more self-awareness...

in the game each player takes on a character or mask from the world of heroes and then through a series of interactions with cards and other players, gains insights into how to deal with your current challenge...the facilitators reminded us that in the past masks were not necessarily a bad thing - people assumed masks not to hide themselves, but to access the wisdom of the mask they were putting on....and this journey through masks and a hero's journey was amazing!! my challenge was how to live in the present...

i was a pilgrim - one who journeys, especially a long distance, to some sacred place, a traveller, a wanderer - with the call of a "lover" - someone with a profound and total self-acceptance who permits the hero to truly integrate herself with the world, living moments lightly and open to the possibilities of life....right from the beginning when i chose this character (or it chose me!) the insights started flowing....if i think of my itinerant life in these last 7 years, pilgrim is the perfect character for me...and the combination with the lover was exactly the inspiration i needed...being on a continuous journey, creating connections, being a catalyst for change and transformation where you go, commitment, having confidence in your values and your mission and always being available for life's possibiliites...

we passed through various challenges and phases on the journey - prison of beliefs, addictions in the shadows, existential crisis (when you get disconnected from your call), the unknown, rites of passage, sanctuary (places where you can mentally and physically connect with your essence)...and we received energies of compassion, courage, confidence and mastery, as well as powers and protections...

the insights were flowing thick and fast - from the cards and the dialogues with the other players.....i received the power of forgiveness: "If you want to connect yourself with power of forgiveness, it is because you want to delight in your existence" - isnt that just beautiful?? I was reminded that we can always access the courage, confidence, compassion and wisdom that we have gained on our journey so far. That mastery is about nurturing every moment with an elevated consciousness. That it is the time for serenity to be present in all of our relationships, and accept everything that comes from these encounters. That we should follow the unknown, because there we find keys to unlock future challenges and opportunities. If we know what is important, what we value, then we wont get trapped by greed.

the four and a half hours flew by as we played the game that is symbolically shaped as infinity...it was a fun and interactive experience in self-awareness...and now hoping to take the insights forward and apply them on the journey! thanks KK!

beautiful (bureaucratic) buenos aires

well despite the fact that my passport was stolen, we spent about 3 days of our holidays in bureaucratic buenos aires (police station, Aussie and Brazilian consulates), luccas got 3 fake 10 peso notes from a dodgy taxi driver, we got fined on the metro and i got fined leaving buenos aires airport - it was really lovely to spend a week in buenos aires for the wedding of pedro and nicoline, catch up with alot of old friends, meet some new ones and enjoy also beautiful buenos aires.

we were treated to a princess wedding at the sans souci palace, complete with an opera singer and those crazy argentinian wedding hats, made a day trip to Tigre, wandered in the amazing parks of buenos aires, visited book stores in elegant old theatres, went to a great tango show in cafe tortoni and watched nicoline's 94 year old grandpa burning up the dance floor!!!

thanks pedro and nicoline for the wonderful hospitality and to all for a wonderful time in argentina!!